The Perfect Squelch

Back when porch-sittin' was ritual, the photo mags were in their prime and did good things. I think "The Perfect Squelch" was a feature of "The Saturday Evening POST."

Regardless, it was a popular reading destination, where we got to enjoy bad things happening to other people. You're invited to share your "Perfect Squelch." Don't hoard the fun!!

Here's mine for today:

Long ago and far away I worked at a car dealership that happened to employ a number of pro football players as sales folks. (As well as me---except for the football thing). Like every category of people, except politicans, there were good ones and not-so-good ones.

This guy Avery REALLY looked like a Greek god. Maybe he was one. Blonde, blue-eyed, chiseled cheeks, magic smile and a body to go with it. And believe me, he knew it. And he let the rest of us know it.

Us mortals hated him for his merits, and despised him for his shortcomings. In the latter category, every bit of his behaviour sent the message that he was entitled to whatever he wanted, from whomsoever he took it. He needed a good squelch...

That day came, and he was bewildred at why wherever he walked around the dealership, people were stifling merry giggles. Here's what he didn't know:

His entitlement rituals included eating other people's food whenever he wanted. This included the contents of the lunch bag the minimum wage lot attendant brought from home. Since Avery took no pains to hide his arrogant Averyice, everyone knew he did it. Including the lot attendant.

One day Avery heartily devoured a nice cinnamon bun that the attendant had brought from home, and had left in its usual pilfering spot. Here's where we smile: the peon had a big motorbike spill a few days prior, and his armed had scabbed up considerably. This was the day the scab had been ready to fall off, so the kid took it and placed it neatly on top of the cinnamon bun and replaced it in the bag. I'm sure it was a filling snack for Mr. Avery, because this was one honkin' big scab...

The Perfect Squelch!