Devilish Definitions from Ambrose Bierce, Part 3

More fun and frolic from THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY, pub circa 1919 (see earlier blogs for cycnical dessert!!)

FRIENDLESS, n. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

GALLOWS, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading character is translated to heaven. In this country the gallows is chiefly remarkable for the number of persons who escape it.

GOOD, adj. Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer. Alive sir, to the advantages of leaving him alone.

GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.

HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.

HAPPINESS, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

HARANGUE, n. A speech by an opponent, who is known as a harangue-outang.

HASH, x. There is no definition for this word---nobody knows what hash is.

HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.

HEAVEN, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.

HYPOCRITE, n. One who, professing virtues he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

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