Let's Have a Few Daffynitions from our Favorite Skeptic

from Ambrose Bierce's "Devil's Dictionary"----pub circa 1906 (!)

Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

Acknowledge, v.t. To confess. Acknowledge of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.

Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

African, n. A nigger that votes our way.

Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.

Apologize, v.t. To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Barometer, n. An ingenius instrument that tells us what kind of weather we're having.

Bigot, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Callous, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

Cannon, n. An insrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

Close-fisted, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain.

Comfort, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.

Consolation, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

Corporation, n. An ingenius device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

More to come daily, if you beg me!