Let's Get Serious...with Some Humor

Welcome to the Front Porch!! I have this mantra I try to focus on, like a three legged stool: To live well, be grateful, forgiving and humorous. (You're probably thinking I could use some practice, at least with the first 2. You'd be right!!)

Tonight, let's sit back and focus on that third leg...I'll get this puppy kick-started, with a lot of help from one of our Old Friends(guess who---answer at bottom!)...

"Nothing bad can happen if you haven't hit the SEND key." ---David Shipley and Bill Schwalbe

"Jealousy is all the fun you think they had." ---Erica Jong

"When my daughter was born, we videotaped the birth. Now when she makes me angry, I just hit REWIND and put her back in." ---Grace White

"I'd offered to drive my mother-in-law to the doctor's. But when I arrived at her house, I found her gossiping away with a neighbor.
'Mom, we've got to go,' I interjected, but she couldn't hear me over the chatter. 'Mom!' I repeated as I pulled her away.
'Sorry, but I didn't know what to do,'she said, getting into the car. 'That woman wouldn't stop listening to me.'" ---Christine Chapman

"I have six locks on my door and bolt every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they're always locking three." ---Elayne Boosier

"What to engrave on the inside of my husband-to-be's wedding ring? I turned to my sister and said 'I want something that has meaning and will remind him of me.' Her suggestion: 'Put it back on.'" ---Tracy Williams

"I was briefing my department on a less-than-thrilling subject: military etiquette. I suppose I was overly enthusiastic, because when I checked my watch, I was amazed at how late it was. Not my audience: One seaman said, 'Sir, if your watch has stopped, there's a calendar behind you.'" ---Capt. William Keller, USN Ret.

"Employee of the Month is a good example of when a person can be a winner and a loser at the same time." ---Demetri Martin

"My boss's wife was concerned about her son. He had gotten one D and three F's on his report card. 'Why do you think he's not doing well?' she asked me. Before I could stop the words from coming out of my mouth, I said, 'Seems to me he's concentrating too much on one subject.'" ---Al Curry

"I would be the worst mother. I'm too neurotic. If my kid yelled to me in the middle of the night, 'Mommy, I think there's a monster under my bed!' I'd be like, 'Of course there is honey. That's why I'm not coming in there.'" ---Jen Kirkman

"About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather's back with lard. After that, he went downhill very quickly." ---Milton Jones

Hope you enjoyed---now it's your turn!! If you need to cheat, like I did, you can go to rd.com.