Why the Obvious isn't...Part 2

Welcome back to the Front Porch!

Yesterday we talked about reasons why some folks can't 'see the forest for the trees' when it comes to their repeated acceptance of abuse from the political class. We discussed a few ideas about techniques we might use to help them "see" what's being done to them. If you haven't read the previous "Front Porch" article, scroll down and start there first for best results!!

Now we're asking everyone on the porch to put on their thinking caps and share comments, and hopefully suggestions at the conclusion of today's article...

Try this on:

Yesterday we looked at incest survivors as an example of folks employing no longer necessary survival techniques, like not 'seeing' the obvious. When these deeply in-grained techniques are 'kept' beyond their usefulness, the results can be downright terrible, even fatal.

Let's look at a far more common form of retention of no longer serviceable mind-sets.

In the process of growing up, we transition from being dependent on parental authority for our safety and 'truth', to getting some of our safety and 'truth' from 'educational' (often more like 'indoctrinational') institutions to hopefully, becoming a self-reliant, self-responsible adult.

The successful completion of this journey is far from inevitable, and has many false prophets along the way who would dissuade us from completing it, in deference to their ostensibly assuming responsibility for our successes and 'protection.' From gangs and tribes to corporate, union, media and political culture, some of us are easily waylaid.

Avoiding this growth-stunting stalemate is as much an 'unlearning' process as it is a 'learning' one. We unlearn dependency as a survival technique, and travel the bumpy adolescent road to self-dependency. We learn not to ask "what do others think I should do?," and we ultimately hold ourselves accountable for what's between our ears and what we do with it. If we make the journey, we marvel at those who don't let go of dependent thinking, but merely exchange masters. When we point out the downside, they don't 'see' it and will more often than not defend their position, egos, and mind-set from you, the perceived enemy. They are sealed off from the truth by old thinking habits.

As we said, this malady is somewhat correctable, but generally won't be accomplished by going 'through the front door' in a direct assault on this fortress of blindness. We find, if we care enough and believe the person is salvageable as a true adult, other doors through which to enter.

Each person seems to have his own doors unlike those of his neighbors. It probably involves an eye-opening unnannounced appearance that generates the first "aha". If nurtured, it flowers into the realization that this person has been his own worst enemy. This becomes the tactical battleground of the comfortable and dysfunctionaly obsolete fighting tooth and nail with the sunshine trying to break through. The outcome may be determined by the person's willingness to take 'necessary losses' along the way, such as friendly relationships with folks who like the old persona rather than the new. I would argue that this has to be one of the prime weapons the bad guys in the brain having going for them.

Now this is handy to know. It's not something our subject is going to tell you in so many words. It's why 'being there' for that person at this critical juncture is so important. Additionally, anything we can do to introduce him/her to other potential approving friends of the new persona may offset any fear of loss in favor of desire for newer, healthier relationships.

For most of us, these battles will be won or lost one mind at a time. We can, we must,win. Together.

Your comments, suggestions, stories required below!!