It's Easy to Get People to Listen to You

Reprinted from June, 2010 Front Porch...

THE SECRET TO BEING HEARD

Feel like you have some important news for people? Perhaps urgent news? Like our entire civilization is on the brink and the folks don't recognize the symptoms?

Having trouble getting through?

Swallow hard. We can learn a lot from professional salespeople. Now I'm not referencing the stereotypical salesperson, half bully, half scoundrel. I'm talking about the sales folks who are the real pros, so much so that you feel quite comfortable with them and may even feel a kinship to them. What's their secret?

Well, first, let's recognize they do have an agenda. They want you to buy a product or service from them. They do not hide this agenda, or try to disguise it in hypocritical "I'm doing this for you" BS that you and I can see through. In a word, they're honest, within the bounds of reason.

The technique they employ is simple: they listen first. They ask you questions about you, what you're really looking for, and why. Prior to that, they've found some other neutral common ground with you---family, weather, sports, recreational activities, etc. They visibly respect your humanity. They achieve this the same way: by asking questions. Then really listening.

People fall in love with people who listen to them. Most of the time we feel processed, talked at, by folks going through the motions. This goes for family, friends, as well as business situations. We don't feel respected, and return the ambivalence in kind.

Professionals in sales as well as in other professions, prove their interest by asking open-ended questions. Questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Typically they'll start with "Why" or "How" for example. But it doesn't stop there. When they HEAR the answer, they ask more "Why/How" type questions. In the beginning, this is not easy to do. There can be a learning curve that, like all learning processes in the beginning, can be quite uncomfortable, even discouraging. If you already employ this technique in your life, you know the original discomfort pays huge dividends long-term.

The chemistry of pro-active listening provides you the information you need to focus on your commonality of interests and the benefits that your idea, good or service will represent to your listener. More importantly, your subject owes you a hearing and is happy to listen to someone who has shown a demonstrable interest in them, as well as respect for who they are.

If all this sounds a tad premeditated, it is. How can you help other people if they're shut off from you because you don't know how to communicate the authenticity of your caring (by showing an active interest in who they are)? If you have successful family interraction, friendships, business relationships, you are already using these fundamental techniques, knowingly or otherwise. And, if you're encountering obstacles in these areas, or with communicating your political insights to others, this may be your lucky day.

Examine how you approach potential 'sales'. Maybe you haven't shown the respect and interest you want yourself, by LISTENING to the other person!!

As always, anything you can add, suggestions, other viewpoints, is always welcome on The Front Porch! Hope to see you here this evening!!