More Devil's Daffynitions (because you begged me)

from THE DEVIL'S Dictionary, pub circa 1906, by our favorite skeptic, Ambrose Bierce...

Critic, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.

Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.

Debt, n. An ingenius substitute for the chain and whip of the slave driver.

Deliberation,n. The act of examining one's bread to see which side it's buttered on.

Dependent, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

Destiny, n. A tyrant's excuse for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.

Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

Discussion, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

Distress, n. A disease incurred by the exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

Edible, adj. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

Effect, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other---which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of the dog.

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

Erudition, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

Exile, n. One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador.

If you liked these, keep beggin' for more!!